Apparently I have done such a good job booking C-grade guests that the higher ups at Meyer Communication want me to start blogging, don’t worry I am 100 percent aware that only people who are waaay too bored at work will ever take the time to read this. Anyway, seeing as how I work on the air with a former columnist from the Springfield News Leader who spent the first three months we worked together correcting my grammar* I decided I would write this in a pretty laid back manner, asking some questions and answering them myself. Today let’s look at some random observations I have made from watching the NBA playoffs thus far.
*I am not even joking about this. Puryear did nothing but spit at me and tell me not to end sentences with a preposition until about a week ago.
How is Joey Crawford allowed to officiate San Antonio Spurs games?
If you’ll remember last year Crawford was fined $25,000 and suspended for the rest of the season after giving Tim Duncan two technical fouls because he did not like the way Duncan looked at him… while Duncan was on the bench! This year as I sat down to watch the critical game 5 of the Spurs Hornets Western Conference semi final series there he was... Joey Crawford. And wouldn't you know it before the end of the first half Crawford gets in a argument with Spurs coach Gregg Popovich in which Crawford touches Popovich and proceeds to give him a technical foul.
The technical foul probably did not affect the outcome of the game, David West was dominant and Hornets dominated the third quarter.* The point is the NBA gets ridiculed by conspiracy theorist more than the JFK assassination… why would they put themselves out there for another accusation? In the past calendar year we’ve had a referee get caught in a gambling scheme and two marquee franchises (Lakers and Celtics) land big name players (Gasol, Garnett, and Ray Allen) for next to nothing.** The Celtics and Lakers meeting in the NBA finals is a dream come true for anyone involved in American basketball: it brings the casual sports fan back to basketball two months before the US national team tries to win its first gold medal in an international competition in 8 years. A conspiracy theorist like Chuck Booms is chomping at the bit about this; perhaps this explains his recent tooth aches.
*Something that we have not seen a home team do yet in this series (sarcasm).
** Essentially L.A. gave up Kwame Brown and a second round 2010 draft pick for Pau Gasol. Kwame Brown... when you Google his name kwamebrownsucks.com is the third site that shows up after his NBA.com player card and his Wikipedia page. I know Memphis is looking to the future when they can dump Brown’s salary and do some damage in free agency, but if I was an NBA GM I would rather have unprotected sex with Magic Johnson than have Kwame Brown anywhere near my roster.
What was going through Gloria James's head?
Gloria James has offered the most interesting/awkward/thank god it happened two days after mother's day and not on mother's day moment of the NBA playoffs thus far. In game 5 of the Cavs/Celtics series after Lebron James was fouled by Paul Pierce, when both players ended up in first few rows of the Q Arena in Cleveland mama Lebron stood up for her baby. King James quickly responded by yelling at his mom to, "sit your [I'm not sure if I am allowed to say what he really said in this forum so we'll just call it 'butt'] down." The next day everyone and their mom* had an opinion about how both Lebron and his mom handled the situation. The truth is both Gloria and Lebron probably were a bit out of line, but it is none of our business how Lebron and his mom interact. We should take note of the humor that can be found in the situation and move on.**
Besides Cleveland fans have a lot bigger problems sitting courtside at their games than Gloria James... Jay Z. "Hova" has been a partial owner of the Nets since 2005, and anyone who doesn't think Lebron plans on heading to the New York/New Jersey area or LA when he becomes a free agent is kidding themselves. The only thing I don't understand is how Jay Z and Lebron didn't work out a wink wink deal to send Jason Kidd to Cleveland for Larry Hughes and some garbage earlier this year to give Lebron a chance to win one in the state of Ohio.
*If that’s a pun it’s only about 50 percent intended.
** I don’t know why but every time its rerun on TV it makes me laugh.
Who watches TNT/TBS's television programs?
It seems like every commercial break Turner broadcasting likes to throw out at least two commercials for their own programming (and usually one for the damn Ashton Kutcher "Whatever Happens in Vegas" movie). The Closer is advertised as the most watched scripted show on cable television, I have asked everyone I know and most people have never even heard of it, much less ever watched it. Tyler Perry's House of Payne was reviewed as one of the worst sitcoms in the modern television era by USA Today last year, and judging by this year’s commercials it has not gotten any better, despite the tagline at the end of every commercial stating "Just plain funny." The Bill Engvall Show is the white man's answer to Tyler Perry* with a white family in Colorado, as opposed to a black family in Atlanta. Jeff Foxworthy's sitcom was garbage. What would make anyone think that someone else in the Blue Collar comedy tour could do any better? You have to wonder if Turner Broadcasting Company’s writers are still on strike.
*I am pretty sure they adjust the racial stereotype accordingly.
In closing...
It seems like there is so much more that can be discussed about these playoffs that I was unable to get to in this blog, but hopefully will touch on in the future.* Is there anyone better than Charles Barkley? Do Europeans really have to act like they have been brutally attacked anytime they draw contact? Is Craig Sager of TNT drunk and tripping on hallucinogenic drugs every time he picks a suit to wear while sideline reporting? Hopefully we will be able to tackle these topics and a lot more in future blogs.** I look forward to your feedback.
* So long as I don’t get fired.
**All joking aside I could get fired at any minute… I think that unprotected sex joke with the first pick in the 1979 NBA draft might have sealed the deal.